Some of you must have guessed this already, the headline itself makes it quite clear. This blog here is going to talk about how much this emptiness philosophy that I wrote previously in my blog pans out in reality.
Truth to be told, and since this is my blog I don’t have an option but be absolutely honest here as it’s my very own blog. Let me begin with a few lines from William Blake’s poem “Eternity” where he mentioned something like this. “He who binds himself a joy, does the winged life destroy; he who kisses as it flies, lives in eternity’s sunrise.”
When I heard these lines initially, I was full of philosophy and stoicism, and discovered that my senses said that nothing could be more real than this. Although I did see success on a couple of occasions, yet more often than not, I find it difficult to digest and that’d mess up my physical health altogether.
A few days back, a dear friend of mine said that I have to let go of this unidentified “fear” within me, as I was acting from a fearful stand, then everything would go haywire eventually and worst of all, I won’t be able to do anything about it. I kinda agreed with him and when I do hear about any scripture or spiritual text, it asks us to be fearless, and that one must be absolutely free of fear.
Now, it’s not that I operate from an area of fear, but somewhere deep down tiny things really do affect me, and while I say this, I do realise that it’s completely not in my hands to control how the others would react, I can only control myself. And, honestly, even though after many days of continuous practice I am able to control what’s happening outside, it kind of ruptures me from the inside.
And that, my dear friends, isn’t a very happy feeling. I begin questioning my ethics and can identify a mild chest pain that more than one hundred percent has to do with my mental health, with things that aren’t going my way, with things that I can’t control. Also, to be honest, with things that’ll never work my way.
Sometimes I do feel so blank and hollow in myself that I no longer know how to hold on. These are the times when I do see my own people turning their backs, or just merely narrowing down my existence or so many years of dedication merely to be governed by societal standards.
Somewhere deep down I feel that I have made my peace with all of this, and I know that no matter what I do, how much I sacrifice, these things aren’t going to change at all. And, I do not expect them to. What’s bothering me now is, in spite of knowing that all of my complaints are nothing but just mere emptiness, I fail to act accordingly.
I continue being miserable sometimes, and just wonder if there is any truth in these philosophies? Also I question myself, how long before I realise the truth and act accordingly?